WEEK 7 & 8- LOCKDOWN DIARIES
BALANCE ISN'T POSSIBLE
This is a deliberate downgrade from the always comical notion that you can do everything.
I think this is just my way of phrasing it's ok to let some of the plates go crashing to the floor.
I wasn't about to announce that I was rocking the homeschool, work, parenting, housekeeping, cooking, laundry act. That would have been a lie anyway, but I did think we were doing pretty well. Plus, there's an admission to be made on the laundry front - I was doing the washing and drying bit of it, and then a magical ironing fairy who has been banished from her golf course would collect a crumpled heap and return (often after an inconceivably short period) neatly ironed and folded clothes to the front doorstep. But we were doing most of the tasks set by school, we were doing extra maths because that's cool at the moment, we were doing baking and playing in the garden and then I'd hastily shove them in front of something on the computer (if it's on the computer then it's not tv) whilst I checked in on my students. Most days I managed to do a bit of cleaning such that the house didn't crash into depressing filth.
But I was burning out. The constant juggling of the children and their needs as well as work and the house left no time for me to do anything for myself bar stare at the crossword on my computer with a cup of team sometime mid morning, or zone out watching Friends after the kids are asleep. I was struggling to motivate myself and was massively overreacting to silly things the kids did. I pretty much felt like crap and wanted to hide in the corner. When lockdown started I thought I was reasonably prepared, I knew it was coming and I'd stocked the house with stuff and steeled myself for a few weeks of things being really strange. In retrospect I was somewhat naive. I knew it was all going to be hard work; I just didn't expect it to be hard work for quite this long. I don't know what possessed me to think better of the Tories and their potential to manage such a calamitous situation, but I just didn't expect I to be locked down for what is now my 9th week without any real indication of when to expect it to be different.
I was expecting a month of lockdown, not this - and I was still trying to act as per the first few weeks and I needed to adjust. So, the different kind of off-balance? I've timetabled less. Cleaning less, bunking off Sally's afternoon lesson and instead trying to do things that will help my mental state. So, when Cleo has her afternoon nap I switch the ON TV button and I do some exercise. At the moment its one day of the hilarious Shaun T and his Focus-25 that a friend encouraged me to get the year after I had Sally and I was getting depressed by baby weight, and then one day of Yoga with Adriene. (The T25 programme is supposed to be 25 minutes every day, but my knees can't take it even if they could I have no intention of washing my hair every day!) One day of Cardio leaping about and one day of mindfulness and stretch. It's definitely helping with stress and I feel like I'm standing up a bit straighter and taller.
Another reason we're bunking off afternoon lessons is so we can go play in the woods or so something that works for the whole family rather than just for Sally. I think it is working. It might not last, but this balance is working better for now and I'm starting to feel a bit more like regular me than the hollowed out shell of me that I was a week ago. It also really helps that Ed has been taking a couple of days off work and that half term is now next week. There's also the very real possibility that Sally is going to go back to school in June and the other two can have some time at nursery. I am somewhat concerned what that might actually look like for them, but I am hopeful that sanity will prevail and I trust the education leaders we chose to make good decisions the protect the mental as well as physical health of our children.
Ok - stuff that has been fun and I can post pictures of.
Electronics with Daddy. On this occasion it sent a spinny thing up in the air and huge amount of glee was had.
going out to the woods
We've bunked off some of the afternoon work - not the one with the daft experiment to make glass fireworks with oil and food dye. I was disappointed there was no mention of Brownian motion, but they are only year one.
and a trip round the Roman Walls at Silchester this weekend.
Looks we did lots, but it was really over two weeks, so the fun wasn't all that concentrated.